How do we end up in a place in our adult life doing a job or being in a relationship we never intended? Doing what is not in alignment with who we are? Working in jobs that just don’t fit us?
Picture life as a clear, flowing river. Picture us in a well-equipped boat on the river. We are equipped with intelligence, conscience, the ability to make decisions, the desire to move forward, and even the ability to converse with our Creator for advice. In the boat, that equipment looks like sturdy oars.
Most of us in the United States are fortunate to have someone towing us with their own boat, until we are in our teens. Even as young teens, we are attached to the tow with an extra long line, allowing us much freedom of movement. Eventually the tow line is completely detached and we are on our own on the river.
Hopefully the tow set good examples for us to follow. That is not always the case. However, once we reach adulthood we can choose to do things the same or different from what we’ve seen along the river to that point.
a. We can choose to use our equipment, keep it in good condition, even make it better.
b. Or, we can choose to use half of the equipment and keep it poorly or well maintained, never quite getting ahead and use excuses like, ‘this is the way I am’.
c. Worse, we can choose to use none of the gifts of equipment and fall back on the poor me/victim mentality.
In the boat, the above scenarios translate into:
a. We can keep both oars in the water, learning how to maneuver the waters well, learning better each day the best rowing techniques, keeping our oars in good condition and even upgrading from time to time.
b. Or, we can use only one oar which, regardless of its condition or how much or how well we use it, will keep us moving in circles as we head downriver. The river decides our course.
c. Last, we can choose not to use the oars at all, and let the river carry us wherever it may, being ill prepared for the underwater snags and the rapids that always raise their white frothy heads from time to time.
Regardless of where we are on the river, and how we’ve used the equipment up until now, everyday we have the choice to use it differently and better. When we choose scenario (a) we will discover the ability to navigate the river of life into the direction we choose. We can do what we love, be who we want to be, go where we’ve dreamed about, accomplish what we intend. Ultimately, we can know contentment.
Are you in a place on the river that you chose to be? Are you weathering your location well? Are you accomplishing all you desire? Are you moving in the direction that brings peace and joy? Are you happy?
If you did not answer yes to each of these questions, take a look at the condition of your equipment and how well you’re using what you’ve been given. Then, make some changes. It’s your choice.
This is me, too
4 comments:
Cheryl, this was a very well written post on the river of life. And for many suburbanites of the middle class, it rings largely true. But there are many exceptions!
What happens when your parents are towing your boat down the stream, navigate poorly due to reasons that came well before you became tied to them, and take your boat towards the rapids and the falls? What happens when your parents cut the towline very early on, or simply stop paddling themselves, and you are ill-prepared to navigate the river of life. If you survive that journey, do you know how to turn the boat around and paddle upstream to the point where you took a wrong turn? How far back was that anyways?
What if your parents did everything right, but you are influenced by other boats on the water and you cut the rope and choose another path other than the one your parents attempted to show you? How far down river will you go away from your family? Will it turn out better or worse than what was expected from you? Were limitations imposed on you that prevented your greatness? Do you choose the route that can take you to your peak, knowing that it is fraught with potentially deadly pitfalls? Or do you choose the route devoid of such pitfalls, but that take you no where near your peak? Which type of leadership did you receive from your elders?
But mostly...how does one know the validity of one's path until you reach a destination? Unless you are the unfortunate one who finds his boat on the Niagara River heading over the falls, you simply don't know where the journey is leading. Whether the boat is in good condition or bad, the oars in good condition or bad, the oars are in the water or not ... every decision made changes the course of the journey. The journey itself is never fulfilled! So we continue to journey on with great hope and expectations, trusting in the good faith of those who came before us and trusting in ourself, building self-confidence along the way, and ultimately seeking guidance and protection on this journey from our Creator and back to our Creator. But what if we don't know who that is or where to find that Creator? Does it even matter? Will our Creator come to us whenever and wherever we have a need?
So many questions, yet so few definitive answers.
hi Jeff! well, it's been a looooong time since you posted your comment. so sorry not to have gotten back to you yet!
We all have choices to make.Once we reach adulthood we can decide to change the course or not. There is no excuse anymore thanks to how interconnected we all are, and how communication around the world is the most possible ever and almost instantaneous. There are so many resources to help people figure out how and where the course needs to be adjusted or changed. Anyone can do anything they choose.
Every journey is a lesson. it's the journey that counts. we have to accept that a river will have bends and rapids that may wiggle the course a bit. if we keep our eyes on who we are, or who we want to be, we will eventually get there. if we look at each change along the way as something we can make good out of, then we are better off in the long run. if it seems all ugly, as many things in life can be, we can ask our Creator just how that horrible part of life can be used for the greater good and then, always, for us. because really, what goes around comes around.
it's up to US to keep our focus, to make the best out of, to find the best in, to make the right choices, not to blame others, to make adjustments. the list goes on.
have fun on the journey, Jeff!
Jeff,
I don't know you but I deeply related to most of the questions you posed.
As I read Cheryl's post, you and I literally were almost word for word---concept to concept---in our thoughts.
This is not to diminish Chery's beautifully illustrated reminders:
1) We do have resources and need to utilize all necessary resources to navigate towards a healthy happiness.
2) We need to understand best we can our navigational "maps" and how and what defines "healthy happiness" for ourselves...lest the flow of life define it for us.
Sage cousel!
Then we get to the tricky parts of the Cheryl's post which I heard us asking the same questions:
""""There is no excuse anymore thanks to how interconnected we all are, and how communication around the world is the most possible ever and almost instantaneous.""""
While I believe this to be a good half-time speech from a college basketball coach...or nice instruction from a regional sales manager, I equally feel it sidesteps some very very real realities based on reseach, statistics and academically accepted facts.
I will only list one....the effects of trauma.
Trauma effects the oars...the vessel, even the very river. Be it childhood trauma or adult trauma.
(as an example) You can take two Vietnam veterans...both suffering Post-traumatic stress disorder.
They both utilize the resources of mental health, medicine, self-care (etc) for 30 years post-war.
One eventually stops diving in a ditch every fourth of July when a firecracker goes off.
The other, utilizing the exact same resources, never can reach that point....still dives into ditches at age 50 every fourth of July...and eventually kills himself.
The term, "no excuses", while kinda Tony Robbins motivational (and has its strategic uses to be sure), adds to the shame of those who continue to struggle...in spite of utilizing every available resource out there.
"I'm somehow defective".
Last week there was a wonderful guest (professor) interviewed on NPR's "Fresh Air". The topic was the latest research on addiction (addiction of all sorts..drugs, sex, working etc)
His book, The Compass of Pleasure, (neuroscientist David Linden) sounds fascinating.
Here's a link to the 30 minute interview.
http://www.npr.org/2011/06/23/137348338/compass-of-pleasure-why-some-things-feel-so-good
I only provide this as an example..of how many factors...(his main point is genetics)...contribute to such ***varied*** life "outcomes" in spite of all of us having equal access to so many resources and even with equal efforts made for the same "outcome".
Cheryl...I need your motivational compass on many days.
Jeff...I equally need your affimations that there is alot of grey in a world that advertising, employers, parents, friends and others sometimes too easily define as black/white, successful/unsuccessful, good/bad.
And lastly and far from leastly...human to human... I sincerely care for both of your journeys on the river we raft in unison..and hopefully we all travel with the same universal compassion towards one another as given each of us by the eternal one.
Bryan
Bravo, Bryan!!!
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