Which Side of Life?

I wonder how much twenty-somethings, myself included when I was, are aware of the world past themselves? Usually by this time they are facing real life responsibilities. Which gives them a level of maturity far past their teen years. But in the big picture, they still tend very much to see the world revolving around them.

I mean, we all see the world from our own perspective, of course. Part of growing up is to move past a state of extreme self-centeredness and towards an understanding that we are, in fact, not the center of anybody’s world but our own. To realize that if we want to have any kind of lasting, deep and meaningful relationships in our families, at the workplace, with our friends, or romantically, we had better tip the scales in favor of being more other-centered.

But, unless a twenty-something is married with children, which I personally think is generally too young specifically because of this discussion, they are typically fairly egocentric in believing that their place in history is all important, that it is from this point in time (them at their age) that history can be made, that this is their time to truly be living (whatever that means). And heaven help the person who gets in the way (one reason for so many divorces of twenty-somethings ten to twenty years down the road).

Here is an example:
Recently someone in their mid twenties lamented to me, “You are on the down side of life. You’ve lived your life. I am just beginning. My goals and dreams are all out there and I am stuck right here. I can’t move ahead (because of a certain situation).”

Those words stopped me in my tracks. The down side of life? I’ll be 59 this year, yes. But, down side? Life is sliding past and doesn’t matter anymore? Does that mean I now have nothing to contribute? That I can no longer make a difference in the lives around me?

How exactly have I lived this already-full life? I went to college, worked hard, had fun and wasted time from 18 to 30, before I married. But by then I pretty darn well knew who I was. And I was very ready to be more other-centered, or at least less self-centered, having gone through so many changes in those years. Then I chose to sacrifice a career for the sake of raising my children, believing that children need mothers at home at the time they need them, not at the time daycare is over. Instead, I worked various part time jobs which at least related to my love (children and their education). We lived without a lot of the cool stuff of the American dream that most middle income families enjoy but we were happy and that was what mattered. Eventually I found a great in-home business that could make a difference in the lives of families. That business was important because I wanted to home school our children, believing they would have a better chance to become who they were meant to be by being educated at home, at least until the last years of high school.

When my youngest child ventured off to high school/college, I began to explore my personal dreams again. It had been a very long time since I had been able to think of me that way. I’ve now discovered my true purpose in life (which, I must add, raising my children fit into perfectly). And I have developed a vision for my life, which includes doing a lot of what I hope will be positive for many people beyond my family and me. I like to think that at this time in my life I have gained a good amount of wisdom so that, rather than being on the downside, I am actually more on the upside. I am wiser and more educated and have some freedom to make a focused impact on the world around me.

After ruminating for some time about that comment, it is no longer eating at me nor do I feel attacked personally. I am sure of who I am. I know where I am going. And the thoughts of a twenty-something are just that. There was a time when I was a twenty-something.

What does concern me is not the fact of the thought. But that it was spoken. Because if we begin to say that once a person reaches a certain age, they are on the downside with little left to contribute to society, and we logically follow that thought, it can easily lead to the idea of: then why do we need them around at all? Which is part of the thinking of those who support euthanasia of the elderly; the elderly being those of little or no value to the society at large anymore. Someday I’ll address this thought in another blog.

Healthy twenty somethings, like the person I’ve referenced here, are definitely long past the extreme self-centeredness of teens. But even they have a ways to go before they find themselves enough and become mostly other-centered. But that’s okay. I think they should have these wonderful years of breaking out into their dreams and adult responsibilities wisely. I am always glad to see those that are allowing that time to search without bringing on the responsibilities of others. They are free to be and learn who they are meant to be. And, hopefully, to make the most of every day they have – not being too serious about it, of course. They need to be having fun now, too. Because in the blink of an eye, they’ll also be nearing 59.