Transient Societies: A Nemesis to Families

How often, before the industrial revolution, did families actually part by moving far from one another? I am thinking it was not a very common occurrence. A young man may have gone to the next town or region to start his own farm or business, though more often than not, children carried on the family farm/business. If they chose another business, they apprenticed to learn the new business. Many times that could be done very close to their family home. When a child married and began their own family even that did not separate their birth families. Rather, their leaving was (and is today) the starting of a fresh new branch on the great family tree. In the past this was usually done with the blessing and support of both families so that the new branch could grow strong as its own entity. But it still remain attached, living close by, its ‘new’ life intertwined with the family from whence they came. The new branch would forever be nourished through the root system established many generations earlier.

With the industrial revolution came the ability to travel to new places more easily and for more reasons. These new places offered many new choices of vocations. Many different ways to earn money and various living situations became more accessible to the masses. People began to leave their families behind for new and supposedly greater horizons. Many never returned to their roots, or their families. I will not follow this train of thought through history any longer. We know to which wonderful inventions the industrial revolution has led. Most people appreciate most of them.

But in the freedom of movement that we, at least we in the western world, are privileged with, something else has been attached. This freedom, so to speak, has caused given us the ability to be quite transient. We can move from one town to the next, from state to state, even cross the ocean to another country and back again, with barely a thought beyond cost of living, school districts, and who will pay for the move. And we can do all of it often in a lifetime. I contend that this transient nature of our society has not been without the attachment of great price. That price is the cohesive nature of family beyond the four walls wherein our ‘immediate’ family lives.

Family is much more than father, mother, children. Family is the heritage before that unit. It is the branches alongside that have grown with it from the great tree. A tree is not whole without all of its branches. When we keep pruning the branches and starting new trees so far from the elder, we end up with saplings that cannot very well withstand the storms of life. They do not have the support of the trunk whose very size is security itself, but also whose roots have gone so deep that little can disturb its presence or purpose. They cannot enjoy the peace that comes from being sheltered by each other’s leaves. The new leaves on the branches of these saplings often never truly know the great tree of their ancestry. And many of these saplings, because of their immature root system, their lack of natural support and protection, are chopped down or splintered into little pieces by the harsh machinery of life in a fallen world.

Here is an example in my life of how this transient society has affected me adversely. Three years ago, we nearly lost two of our daughters at the same time, in two unrelated incidents. It was a horrific time in our lives. Our next closest relatives are in Texas and on the East Coast. More than anything, we needed family close by. Fortunately, for the first couple of weeks one relative was here. But it was not enough because the ordeal lasted months. And it was impossible for anyone to travel to stand with us through our storm. I wanted to be held, to cry on a shoulder, to hear a prayer spoken while my hands were folded within the one of my family who prayed. Though our friends are many and were tireless in their efforts to help and console, I was lonely for my ancestral roots – my family. We made it through the storm without them, but it was not easy. We were not splintered into little pieces, though there were times later when I thought the effects of the episode might have shredded us. We survived for several reasons, not the least of which was our faith in God. But perhaps another was that this occurred at a time when we had already weathered many smaller life storms over twenty plus years and had built up some resilience and tenacity.

In 27 years of marriage, I have always been sad to live so far from my parents, my siblings, and their families. But I was also very unhappy to grow up living far from one set of grandparents because that grandfather was in the military and moved often. That sadness borne of the transient nature of our society continues today while one of my own daughters is married and lives 1200 miles away. And there is no telling where the other two will live once they settle down, or even if they settle down. They may move from town to town, state to state or even country to country and back again.

I believe that families are intended to grow old and strong together in order to weather life’s storms from their beginning to the end. Our transient society tends to make many decisions for us, but we do not have to let it destroy our family heritage. Instead, we can fight back constructively by staying in touch with our families. We can talk on the phone (not just text) and visit often, sharing not just life’s monuments but the little daily events as well. We can send photographs regularly, and even schedule family reunions every few years. All of these efforts will enable the leaves, branches, saplings and trees to have a chance to get to know the great ancestral family tree that they all sprang from. Because in the end, it is family that will always be there.